Hawg Seekin’ and Good Eatin!

Thursday, September 18th, 2008 by Diesel Fueled

Just when I thought I was getting away from the beer gogglin hawg seekin guy trip to Chicago I have decided to do my own hawg seeking of a different flava.  Oh yes I am Illinois bound.  Only on the south side in a nice lake called Lake Egypt.

But don’t worry I am going to get me some!  Yes she will be greesy.  She will be slippery and she will require both hands to handle.  Some will be brown, some blue, some dirty.  Some may may just be down right putrid with smell.  Despite that fishy smell, in the end there is always good eating on the inside.

Of course I am talking about a nice weekend of catfishing, drinking some canned beer wearing my Bill Dance polarized sun glasses.  What else would I be talking about?

So coming from a primary crappie fisherman I have decided to venture into the world of bloody liver, aged shad, and whupass catfish bait.  Yes it is called “whupass” because that’s what I am going to do.

So let’s start with the fisherman.  I would think the equipment to purchase is based on the type of fisherman.  Well I am a lazy son of bitch when it comes to catfishing so I had to set up my gear for such.

Catfish Rod / Reel.

I was strolling through Bass Pro looking for things I don’t need and as I made my way through the Bill Dance Polarized sunglass section and turned the corner on the Wally Marshall Crappie rigs the feeling of shock and awww hit me.  Rays of light streamed through the clouds and was in heaven.  Well close to heaven.  I was heading straight towards possibly the best redneck catfishin rod / reel ever made, The Zebco Hawg Seeker on an ugly stick.  Oh yes.  What makes this so special?  It’s battery operated and a red beeping alarm goes off every time there is line tension.  So now no more interruptions with me and my bud light in a can.

Floats

What makes a fisherman like me better?  Luck and a ton of lines in the water.  For just $3.49 a piece you can buy you a nice piece of styrofoam (like the ones you see in the swimming pool) and hook 20 pound test line, weight or bomb, and hook.  If your a bigin like me you may need to tie you two styrofoams to make sure it floats.  Then sit back and watch the little yellow things float all over the lake.  Get er done hawgs!

Bait

Got me some bloody liver and chicken mix.  “Great Scott” is the brand and I truly believe it’s fate.  Also picked up some bloody shad, and some miracle bait.  Kind of looks like mom’s dried up red beans, but supposed to work well.

Outside of that you have to have a cooler stocked with some nice cold Bud Light in a can.  Budweiser if they are on sale or Natty Light if your on a budget.

When I return from my trip I will follow-up with a review of the equipment and the lake.

FISH ON!

Posted in Editorials, Humor | 1 Comment »

Special Thanks to the people that voted and encouraged me for Hoosier of the year!

Thursday, March 27th, 2008 by Lead Jig

Growin up a little boy I always was a little off. Mom would always say “your not stupid your just special” Being a solid hoosier worthy of this award takes years of practice and special upbringing. I always thought it was normal when we would have bonfires in the backyard, put catfish we cawt from Busch in our 4 foot pool, and made almost $5 a week by pouring everyone beer from the keg. Then on top of that I got 1 penny for each cigarette bud I picked up from the yard. It really all started for me when mom pulled up to Kroger parking lot in the beat up deville that had more engine parts in the back seat then under the hood, but still had power windows. I clearly learned to master the “duck and cover” when we drove by people. And I never could figure out how she could take the keys out and the motor kept trying to run. So back to Kroger. There I am walking around in my codezero sweater and homemade skidz thinking I am the shit. Yes plaid cloth from clothworld and you can get the patch there too! I knew those clothes were hot because all the ladies were looking. It’s always nice going shopping with mom because if you get hungry you just eat whatever you want from the isles and bring the empty wrapper when it’s time to pay with the food stamps.

That was just one of the shining moments that made me the special person that I am, but I don’t want to leave others out.

Lets see:

I learned how to stop, drop and roll when my smart ma tried to burn the artificial christmas tree. I guess to save room in the beat up aluminum trash can for other trash or maybe her meatloaf. Meatloaf night was always fun because we knew we end up ordering pizza!

I learned how to sort things in chronological order by sorting all of my papa john’s boxes so the older one gets ate first so it don’t go bad. That’s smart thinking and very efficient

Did you know that when your done drinking a milk gallon carton you can cut the bottom off and make a drinking mug for beer or water or anything else? The best part is that it is free.

Thanks to a nice family secret I learned that the one thing that you absolutely can’t live without: the one thing you would want on a stranded sand bar on the Mississippi: the one thing that can solve the world’s problems. A nice thick roll of Duct Tape!

I would love to go on, but it’s time for a commercial break. Thanks to everyone that has voted for me. This award means so much to me. Almost as much as my authentic Z Caverichi’s and British Knight high tops.

The end.

Posted in Humor | No Comments »